Ataraxia’s depiction of perfection

I'm in the corner
Watching everything fall
The room's in disorder
There's no space for it all 

So I try to tidy up the room for you
Make it look pretty, perfect, deity

Once I'm done there
I won't have any energy to spare
You gotta be happy with me crumbling 

Now I have to go 
How will I leave you?
How will I cope?
And though it hurts me to know
You're in the graveyard 
While I'm a ghost 
Maybe it's a curse 
When I say those words
Take my shirt
I don't deserve

You
You ooh
You 

I'm on the field
Watching lives be uprooted
No ammunition 
My opinion disputed

And ya wonder why
The surface tension builds over time
Spilling over gushing out 
Pooling at your feet

I'm one for the win
But could ya tell I hate being at your whim?
What'd ya want me to do?
What do you want to do?

Now I have to go
How will I leave you?
How will I cope?
And though I like being solo
I'm gonna miss you 
But I think I'll grow
Maybe it's a gift 
When I say these 
I don't know what it is
But I feel I don't deserve this 

Or you
Oh, you
You, oh, you 
You 

Behind the Scenes

“Pretty Perfect Deity” is the symbol of who I want to be, but cannot ever be. I inevitably always leave. I wrote this from a lot of emotions; anger, confusion, loss, disappointment, and also love.

“I’m in the corner” means that I feel have no say in what happens, like a bystander. Nonetheless, I feel I still have the responsibility to “tidy up the room” for the people in my life. “Take my shirt” has a hidden meaning in it as well, both literal and metaphorical—take anything you want from me. When I say “the surface tension builds over time” I touch on the emotional threshold that overflows. There’s always a limit to what a person can and cannot withstand emotionally.

I originally wrote the chorus first and then left the song to collect dust in my brain. Then I started writing another song that seemed to correlate to the same topic. So, I decided to merge the two together and the result was this. The background guitar and synths provide both a pretty but dark feeling to it, which I thought balanced out the meaning of the song quite well.

— Ataraxia